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Category: Relationship

10 Hacks For Getting Back In a Relationship All Over Again.

There are many circumstances in life that may lead a couple to want a fresh start. For example, it might no longer be working for one or both of you, or you feel as though it is on a downhill slope. Despite this, the two of you are still eager to pursue the relationship and see where it can take you.

Fortunately, whether you are trying to overcome a misstep or even want to rekindle the honeymoon stage, there are plenty of healthy ways to learn how to start over in a relationship.

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1. Take a Break

One of the first things that most couples will do when considering whether to start overtakes a break. This is not only okay but also a good idea. Taking a break will allow each of you time to think about what it is you want and need.

During this time, it is important that you are completely separated. This way there will be no confusion from lingering emotions. Agree on a specific amount of time apart before setting a date to meet up. Then it will be much easier to discuss how you can move forward. 

2. Identify Why You Value the Relationship

First things first: you have to rethink why you each value the relationship. This step is key, as it will be a clear indicator of whether it is worthwhile to start over. Some relationships aren’t meant to be. By clueing into why you want the relationship to work out, it will help motivate you throughout the steps to come.

3. Get Some Support

Getting help can be hard. People and society in general often still view therapy and counseling as being bad. You may even feel hesitant or embarrassed to seek out support, but it is a must.

A therapist or counselor will guide you through tough conversations in a healthy environment. By practicing and learning healthy communication, your relationship will fare better than before.

4. Find a Way to Communicate

Speaking of communication, it can be near impossible for some people. What works for an individual will not necessarily work for another. Both of you will need to find a middle ground on how you can communicate. As far as you both are aware of this and willing to keep trying, any method you prefer should work. Even if you find your partner’s preferred method funny or difficult, you should be respectful of their attempts and be open to trying them.

5. Forgive & Start Anew

In some cases, your reasoning for a fresh start may have to do with a serious misstep on your or your partner’s past. Say one of you said or did something that the other has deemed unforgivable. If there is any chance of continuing the relationship, you will first have to forgive. This applies to both of you.

The person who feels betrayed will have to overcome and move past this thing without harboring any resentment. Otherwise, the leftover resentment will eventually come to the surface. Meanwhile, the person who misstepped will have to forgive themself.

It is not only to prevent themselves from doing the same thing again but also to not make the new relationship all about “making up” for their past. If either of you is unable to forgive, then there is little chance of starting over.

6. Learn How to Compromise

In any relationship, it is important that you both are able to compromise. Learning to compromise is key for two main reasons. The first is that it tells your partner that you value them and are willing to meet them in the middle for the sake of their happiness.

The second is that it is a useful tactic for preventing unnecessary arguments. The key thing about compromising is that both people must do it. If only one person in the relationship is making compromises, they will resent their partner.

Both people need to feel that they are receiving as much as they are giving.

7. Pick Your Battles

When starting a relationship over, it can be difficult to let go of past habits. In particular, the things or triggers that sparked arguments can be hard to forget. These triggers can be as simple as leaving a toilet seat up or putting clothes in the wrong hamper.

When starting anew, you will have to learn the art of picking your battles. For the most part, this has to do with your own self-control. Think by yourself, “Is an only bed seat really worth fighting over it or putting a damper on an entire day?”

In most cases, probably the answer is “no”. Practice your ability to choose happiness in the face of what annoys you the most.

With that said, you can still bring up these triggers to your partner — just use positive communication.

Speak to them candidly but calmly about the things they do that bother you and why. Let them know that you would like them to try to change these habits and offer a solution for how they can do it.

By taking an active part in providing a solution, you will likely receive a better response in your desire for them to change. Also, the conversation will be more productive overall.

8. Practice Meaningful Interaction

When we talk about meaningful interaction, this includes actions that are both physical and emotional. The most obvious is probably physical affection. This can include intimacy, cuddling, holding hands, or the simplest of touches.

In regards to emotion, this applies to both your willingness to share and your ability to listen. You should be open to sharing your own emotions and able to actively listen when your partner is sharing.

9. Speak & Think Positively About Your Partner

Sometimes the most difficult part of starting over in a relationship is adjusting how you have been speaking and thinking about your partner.

If a relationship has soured, your actions or thoughts towards them might be negative. It is crucial that when starting over you strive for positivity in every aspect. This means stop the trash talk to family and friends as well as negative internal thoughts.

With that said, it is important that you have the people surrounding you do the same. They can add to a toxic relationship by swaying or perpetuating old emotions.

This may mean that you need to have a candid conversation about how their opinions impact your own. If they are a true friend, they should be willing to adjust how they talk about your partner.
Create Shared Goals

10. Creating Shared Goals

One of the most effective methods for building a positive relationship is creating shared goals. When starting over, this is especially helpful, as you can toss out the old and look to freshen things up.

These goals can be either short and long term, and we recommend coming up with a few of each. For example, a short term goal may be improving your listening skills, whereas a long term goal may be moving in together.

Conclusion

People might say otherwise, Coming back in a relationship is possible.  If you and your partner are willing to put in the work and love one another, it can work out. Let us know which of these tips you found most helpful!

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The Fake Apology: Real Deal, Manipulation, or Dodge.

In a relationship sometimes we get confused, was that a fake or real apology from him?.

It is one of the things in your relationship you need to know. Sometimes you get an apology from them to just shut you up. I always feel so insulted whenever my husband gives me these fake apologies.

If your men comply with Narcissistic personality disorder. They will imply that you stupid enough to believe these apologies. “I’m sorry” is always fetching a word before it “but.”

They will go to any extent whatever it makes to trap you in their web of lies. Once they feel they have you hooked, they know you will believe anything they tell you. They will be doing their manipulated word games and use backhanded fake apologies.

So how do you know what a true apology is versus a fake one? A real apology will consist of three parts:

I’m sorry, I was wrong, and then how can I make it better. A Narc won’t do that. Why? Because that will show vulnerability, and a Narc personality man can not do that.

A real apology will see you at the core, as in “You are hurting because…” A Narc apology will have themselves at the core, as in “I am hurting because of you….”

So what is the reason for the Narc’s fake apology? The Narcissists know you find out essential information that will expose them, and they will do anything whatever it takes to drag the attention away from themselves. They will twist it around and find a way to blame you as well!

And sadly, some Narcs do not even use the “I’m sorry, but” apologies. They’ll go straight for verbal assault on you.

So statements what will a Narc say? Below are several examples of fake apologies.

1. “I’m sorry, but you also overreacted to everything as well.”
2. “I’m sorry, but everyone was thinking this funny. You don’t have any sense of humor.”
3. “I’m sorry. Now you Happy?”
4. “I’m sorry about that argument. But it was you who started it.”
5. “I’m sorry for abusing you. But you also abused me.”
6. (Loud) “Alright fine. I’m sorry.” (It is said in an angry and sarcastic tone.)
7. “I have already apologized to you. What else do you want more?”
8. “I’m sorry that you do not know but what I do for you, is more than enough for you.”
9. “I’m sorry, but the whole day I am working very hard and just I come home to take rest. Is that more to ask?”
10. “I’m sorry, but I thought to help you. Excuse me for that .”

All these 10 sentences mentioned above will almost always be followed up with a “Can you forgive me” statement. This puts the ball back in the victim’s court. If she says yes, then it’s basically giving the Narc a green light to continue his behavior and he knows he can get away with whatever he wants. If she says no, she’s the bad guy. The Narc will turn around and say, “Well what more do you want from me? I apologized!!”

Words mean nothing if actions remain the same. When we receive these fake apologies, we are left feeling empty and not valued.

What kinds of fake apologies have you heard? Comment below. I appreciate you sharing your stories.

Read Also

10 Hacks for getting back in a relationship again.

What are the Signs of Emotional Abuse in a relationship?

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7 Signs of Being In A Relationship With A Narcissist.

To live in a relationship with a narcissist can have extensive effects on your mental health. Narcissists have the demerits including an impressive sense of self, lack of empathy, superficial charm, and a lack of remorse, it’s no surprise that these relationships can be incredibly toxic.

To the Mental Health Awareness, I have revisited one of our most well-read articles Emotional Abuse in a relationship?

If you like that your partner is never wrong and the center of attraction, and even can not take care of criticism. Well, you will not have any problem in a relationship with a narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Before I wrote an article about emotional abuse in a relationship. Often I see couples whose relationship has been destroyed because of one partner showing the sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). NPD is a mental condition, in which a person overvalue a sense of self-importance and ignores any empathy for others.

NPD is a highly extensive form of narcissism and affects approx 10% of the population worldwide Men are more affected by this in comparison to women.

People who suffer from this face a lot of problems, particularly in emotional relationships.

Narcissists are a nightmare to live in a relationship with, they can destroy your confidence, your dignity and make you feel completely depressed, and lose all sense of self and reality. So how to know if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or not?

Here are the 7 Signs of Being In A Relationship With A Narcissist.

They are controlling


The narcissist likes to control everything. People often get confused about the control with attention, but it frequently gets to the point where the other partner in the relationship starts to feel dominated and in minimal control of their life. Do you always constantly find yourself asking for permission to go somewhere? Does your partner monitor every step of yours where you are? to whom with you? Check your messages?

It’s all about them


Yes, it is all about them. They are fully self-obsessed with themselves that nothing else gets a look in. And if something is not all about them, they will try to make it so. A narcissist will leave the conversation if it is not about them – and will turn it so it is.

They lack empathy


If their demands are being met, quite frankly a narcissist simply will not care. They have a full lack of empathy for others even their partner, friends, and family. And never show any ability to identify with their feelings, even don’t think twice about taking advantage of others to get what they need without any feelings of guilt.

They try to manipulate everyone including you.


Narcissists are the master in manipulation, narcissists are very dodgy at twisting every situation and working them, so they get what they want. One of their main techniques is gaslighting, by that, they convince you always about your views that they are wrong. They utilize this technique to make you feel worthless, constantly questioning your instincts, feeling confused and anxious, and that you do everything wrong.

They have an inflated sense of entitlement


Narcissists think they are much more superior to the people around them. and they are truly special and unique. Nobody is as good looking or engaging as they are. They look forward to always get what they need because they are just so much better than anyone else.

Nothing is ever their fault


They do not want to take any responsibility because they believe that they are always right. They always tend to tell lye, complex excuses, cheating, and anything to deflect from how they behave.
Because of there, great manipulation skills other partner has to apologize for an argument they did not cause.

They need constant praise and attention


They expect from you to put them first always, praise them for their good looks, frequently acknowledge their wonderful achievements and talents, whatever they do.

A narcissist likes to be the center of attraction and attention, As a partner, you must be doting on them. Any signs of disagreement or disapproval about whatever they say will not be accepted well.

What can you do?


In a relationship or married with a narcissist is damn difficult. Leaving one or divorce can be even harder, however with the right support you can do it.

It takes a big deal to self-respect, self-confidence, and self acknowledge to end any relationship or marriage.

Talking to a legal practitioner to understand your legal rights is a great starting point. I also advise that if you are in a relationship with narcissist talk to your friends and family and seek out counseling.

You must get professional legal advice to ensure that the process will work for you and your family.

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What are the Signs of Emotional Abuse in a relationship?

Emotional abuse is said to be more harmful than physical abuse because it cuts to the very core of a person’s self-esteem. It can cripple the victim in far more ways than physical abuse. Physical wounds heal. But emotional wounds cut deep.

What are the Signs of Emotional Abuse in a relationship?

Emotional abuse cuts to the core of a person because the behaviors are more subtle. Being told you’re ugly, that no one else could possibly love you, that you’re a deadbeat parent, and that you can’t do anything right is more about sabotaging the victim’s spirit and inner self.

What are the Signs of Emotional Abuse in a relationship?

You show off a new dress to your spouse. You picked it out because red is your favorite color. He says, “It flatters on you, but you always looked good in blue.

Do you consider it as an abusive comment? Not if it’s said in a loving gesture!

But if your spouse said something like, “Well, why do you pick THAT dress? I guess you do. if you like that sort of thing.”

Do you consider it as an abusive comment? Absolutely YES.

What’s the difference between these two statements? The differences are three-fold, tone of voice, words actually spoken, and body language. The second statement also carries a degrading undertone.

We all exhibit these behaviors on some level at points in our lives. But what makes the relationship abusive is the habitual nature of the behaviors. It happens on a continual basis and forms a pattern.

The abuser is seen as more dominant in the relationship. This person will control you through behaviors, actions, and words to erode your self-esteem, confidence, self-worth, trust (in yourself and in others), and your emotional stability.

Even non-verbal behaviors like heavy sighs, eye-rolling, disgusted glances, giving the cold shoulder, slamming doors, banging cups around, and punching holes in the walls can be considered abusive.

Abusive Behaviors


Below is a list of things that are experienced and felt like a victim of emotional abuse and domestic violence.

  • Living in fear of partner.
  • You feel so alone.
  • Feel like your opinions never matter.
  • Walking on eggshells, being extra careful about what should be said or did.
  • Feel humiliated and degraded during the many times.
  • Feel such shame when your mistakes are pointed out.
  • You feel so unwanted and unlovable.
  • Never feel appreciated for your hard work.
  • Feel criticism for the smallest things.
  • You are blamed for things that went wrong.
  • Feel like a slave.
  • You are accused of things, like cheating.
  • Never feel validated. Your feelings are always dismissed.

Recognition

Emotional abuse most often is easiest to detect when witnessed. You might not be aware that you have seen it happening. It can include intimidation, humiliation, ridicule, threats, controlling behavior, and isolation. It also can involve ignoring the person and not giving them attention on purpose, such as for punishment.
Being able to recognize abusive behaviors is the first step towards ending the relationship, and beginning your healing and recovery. If you recognize these signs, I urge you to reach out. There is help out there.

Have you been in an emotionally abusive relationship? Comment below. And as always, We appreciate you sharing your stories with us.

Read also How to Break free From Stuck with something?

How to be Happy in Life and Stop Desiring More?

Life lessons from this Lockdown.

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